Maybe I haven’t made this clear to you:
I love Jack.
I love Jack differently than I have ever loved anyone or anything before.
I can see you shaking your head…..”well, DUH!” you are saying to yourself, “of course!”
it’s not that simple.
This is not to say that I love Jack BETTER than I love anyone else.
I have a daughter that I gave birth to and she gave me purpose in life. She healed my wounded heart just by her presence and who she is becoming. She is her own creature. She is beautiful. She is compassionate. She is kind, She is fierce. OH! Sure, she can be a pill and then some. After all, she IS 12 and adolescence is not easy on ANYone involved.
But Jack……we have a different relationship. Yes. I take on the Mama role. Yes, I AM a caretaker, nursemaid, autism whisperer, respite worker, behaviorist and one on one aid all rolled into one.
But here is something else I am:
Make no doubt about it.
Jack is my little zen master.
I have a tendency to barrel through life. I am ever fueled by caffeine buzzing at a high frequency, trying to get 12 hours of work, cleaning, crafting, family time, etc into 8 hours time. Sleep? THAT’S for ametuers. There is STUFF to be done! Let’s go! Multi-task! Chop Chop!! Mach Schnell! GO GO GO!!
And while people are amazed at what I get done…. I lose a lot. The daily nuances of life. The tightening of jelly jar lid. The shutting of cabinets. The details.
Jack has helped me to amend my ways.
To get me to slow down and be on Jack time.
Jack doesn’t stress about time.
Time is not a Jack construct. You want to spend four hours standing at the fence taking apart a giant fuzzball to watch the tiny pieces of fuzz blow away in the wind in a random pattern? Go for it.
All you have to do is breathe.
So. I stop and I sit with Jack. I LOOK at what he is looking at. I try to see it as he does.
And you know, often times I am surprised by what I see……. A shadow. A line. A cloud formation. The sky.
Have any of you really REALLY looked at the sky lately? AND took it in with awe and innocence?
I highly recommend it.
You could argue that Jack has the luxury of this because of his “situation”– the brain damage, the autism, the TSC.
And you would be correct.
But you would also be wrong.
Because Jack does too have a choice.
And Jack embraces that beauty.
Jack finds that joy.
Jack has mastered the art of effortless being.
In the Tao of Pooh, while I run around being a bit of Rabbit (too busy, too thinking) and Clay represents Owl (knowledge is all)
Jack is our Pooh.
Rather, he IS.
And that is where my love for Jack differs from anyone else I have ever loved.
Jacks love is who he is.
It is his smile given.
It just is.
He has no hidden agenda, no pretenses.
He is who he is. And who he is pretty darn easy to love.
(deep breath in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand out) ❤