A good friend of mine advised me when I started this blog that it was not only about JACK, but about myself as well.
I guess it’s time to come clean.
I am NOT Jack’s mother.
That is to say:
I did not give birth to Jack.
Someone else did. And she is no longer in Jack’s life save for a few emails every couple of weeks to ask after him.
When I first met my husband, there was a lightening bolt/ground shaking awareness that THIS was going to be THE ONE.
We had a recognition.
It never occurred to me during the courting process or the future planning stages to NOT let myself fall deeper in love based on the fact Clay had a special needs child. I’ve been oohed and ahhed over for “taking so much on” and for “stepping in” .
I fell in love with a man. He had this child. You don’t step away because it looks too hard.
And so I threw myself into it. I read up on autism. I learned about TS. I saw seizures and nursed Jack afterwards.
I administered meds.
I proceeded with love, caution, and compassion.
I gained Jack’s trust first, then love.
Jack doesn’t call me “mama” or “mother”. He calls me “Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeena”.
His sisters he calls “Darrrruh” and “Seruhfeena”.
Clay he calls “daddy”.
There is no familial emotion behind the “daddy” for Jack.
That is to say for Jack, Clay is “daddy”- it is his name– it doesn’t have the same meaning behind it as it does to you or I- he could as just as easily call Clay: “spinning”
That is NOT to say, however, that our names do not get said with love and joy.
Because they DO.
and I just went to Dictionary.com and surprise…
Looks like you don’t need to birth a child to be a mother.
But then again, I am very happy to be “Teeeeeeeena” in Jack’s life.