Full Circle

I make this remark often:

EVERYTHING that has occurred in my life has prepared me to be Jack’s mom.

This past week I traveled 3000 miles to attend my 30th High School Reunion. The FaceBook group of this event made the anticipation palpable.  We couldn’t wait!
It was amazing.  It was beyond words.
It was– dare I say?– Life changing.

After the reunion was over, when we moved the festivities to the Hotel Bar- I encountered more catching up, more cocktails, more confessions and more absolutions

And there in the middle of it all, stood Mark.  Oh, Mark!! From the moment he introduced himself in 7th grade home room I was smitten.  It was a crush that lasted well after high school. He was always aware of the adoration– MY GOD!– who wasn’t!?  I was never teased– in a mean way, and we became friends.  We worked on shows together and we laughed together and we hung out together.  He was a constant.

He stood in front of me.  He had a confession: I was the one he came to the reunion to see.
He gave a small nod- and of course Sheryl (his grade school to high school girlfriend).
He gave a shrug of his shoulders– and of course Bonnie.

“But YOU”, he pointed to me, drink in hand — “you are who I really came to came to see.”

I look back and I realize something about that crush– after the initial Ignatz brick throw- there was TRUE FRIENDSHIP.  And that was something I did not encounter much as a child.  There was an ease, a love, and a respect back then that we shared.

And so we stood there  in this bar and we talked.  And talked. And talked.  Sure, we chat of FB– but this was the intimacy of face to face…..when faces and eyes reveal so much more truth than words on a screen.
He talked to me of his son–
This past year he received a diagnosis of Aspbereger’s.   He went through the painful diagnosis period, the acceptance of the diagnosis, of walking through 504’s and IEPs and then finally: Watching his son blossom with a few tweaks of routine and curriculum
I stared at him mouth agape–
only to be interrupted by another “long lost friend” leaving — hugs and promises to stay in touch–
Mark motions through this that he will be outside.

I find him among the smokers hanging outside…..
I take his face in my hands
I admonish him:
Why didn’t you tell ME!?
Of all the people who could help you with this.  Who could advise you. Who could point you to resources.  Who would  understand your need to vent…………………I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE–
Why did you not tell me?
He stammers a bit about our different situations– I am flustered– perhaps I am coming on too strong, but its in my nature to want to help….to spread the word about our children– to share vital info and strong shoulders.

And he drops a bombshell on me:
“You DID help.
“You DID advise– I watch you,”  he says, “on Facebook– I don’t always comment– But I see you with Jack, the videos and the status updates”

And it all falls together so simply.
I see things so clearly
Connections.  Awarenes.
The far reaching effects we have on each other — if we allow it.

And it goes back to Jack.
I make this remark often:

EVERYTHING that has occurred in my life has prepared me to be Jack’s mom.
I have patience, calmness and an infinite amount of compassion to offer. I have been on the down so many times and things always work out for the best.  My FB status’ reflect these trials, tribulations, discoveries, and Jacks early morning risings with copious amounts of coffee.
Mark see this and is totally unaware that HE is part of this equation that has come full circle.
HE was part of what shaped my patience, my compassion, my humor.
HE is being affected by his own kindness to ME — reflected back from Jack.


8th grade_n



5 thoughts on “Full Circle

  1. Pingback: Full Circle « you don't know Jack

  2. I sense a veritable tsunami of “realization” here. It’s kind of a glue that wraps your mind in a permanent state of awakening, and paints your own reflection layer by layer, using the details we find in others. We are human. As such, we need each other to recognize who we are. Ain’t it great?

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